SONG RELEASE STORY
November 17, 2023
Imagine a driver with a broken navigation system who senses something is wrong with their vehicle but isn't quite ready to pull over and stop for an inspection. Are they still headed in the right direction? Or have they strayed entirely from their path? Either way, things have become burdensome. Something needs to switch. When this card shows up, relinquishment is required, and if the querent doesn't take action by themselves, sooner or later, the Universe will eventually force it upon them.
There's much to be said of letting go, and The Hanged Man acknowledges the discord and beauty of transmuting energy. The verse lyrics "blocked and buckled" and "crooked questions" represent the confusing and cynical atmosphere surrounding the need to give something up. As I channeled the chords, I connected with my past and remembered things I had to stop doing and change about myself. Those were years of uncertainty - when I gripped tightly onto thin air for any sense of control. It didn't feel good living in such uncomfortable conditions. I had to lean on others and abandon my plans. Only then did my life improve, and I came into a sense of clarity. I thought I knew what this card was about and believed I had translated it well. However, a new perspective unfolded during its recording and production.
After going through breast cancer in 2022, I was not coping well with survivorship. 2023 had me running around like a crazy person. I was planning every step and organizing every outcome. I wasn't enjoying much of anything, and I didn't understand the reason for my deep unrest. It wasn't due to any lack of trying. I had attempted everything I could think of. As the summer months got underway, I was diagnosed with severe complex PTSD, stemming from a multitude of traumas I had endured since childhood. Breast cancer had blown up my tediously crafted safety net, and I was no longer able to function. I finally had an answer that felt accurate. It explained a lot about who I am and how I live. I began treatment using Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and intuitively knew I should record and produce The Hanged Man next. I was finally surrendering to the correct therapy, and I believed this song would help me heal.
I recorded my piano tracks while taking a trust fall leap into the world of bilateral stimulation and memory reconsolidation. When it came time for tracking vocals, I was surprised to find my 5th chakra finally unblocked. My voice was strong and clear. I finished recording ahead of schedule. Incredibly, I realized that the bridge lyrics accurately described EMDR. "Scenes reversed" refers to revisiting disturbing memories. "You face the ache and let it go" describes the therapy session itself, sitting in the memory and releasing the trauma. This mystified me. I had predicted my future four years earlier when I wrote the song.
I am now discovering a new way of living by letting go of the past. I have been holding onto energy that isn't meant for my present. This feels like an essential milestone in my healing journey. I am surrendering my old ways because they don't work anymore. I am grateful for this release.