October 28, 2022
As I write this month’s song release story, it’s fitting for me that this is a song about darkness. The last words are, “Screaming like they’ve come unhinged.” I, myself, have become the lyric.
The Moon tarot card represents illusion, uncertainty, and the darkness of the subconscious. Things do not always appear as they seem in this shadowy time of mystery and unrest.
So why have I become unhinged? The medicine I have been taking to prevent my cancer from recurring has had side effects. I could feel my mood and energy slipping at the start of September. By mid-October, I’d lost the ability to concentrate. Horrible, negative, anxious thoughts filled my head. It became difficult to follow the narrative of TV shows. I started doing stupid things like putting the milk in the kitchen cupboard instead of the refrigerator. Most unnerving of all, I lost interest in… everything, including my music, and this project. I have wanted to make these songs my entire life. Within a few months of endocrine therapy, my desire and creativity have disappeared, swallowed whole by shadows of darkness.
A year ago, I was a different person. I picked The Moon card and began the song’s writing process on November 6, 2021. Brian and I recorded the piano track on the acoustic piano at his studio over the holidays in December 2021. I recorded the vocals at home later that same month. And then the tracks sat, waiting for their turn with Brian’s muse. Brian finally got to this song in late summer 2022 and wrote a haunting soundscape of guitar melodies around my single piano track. Being a song about mystery and darkness, I decided to release it around Halloween. I had been planning to do more promotion, but I simply cannot. Sharing my own story of darkness is the most I can do.
I’ve discontinued the medication in hopes I’ll return to normal by the time we release our next track. For now, I’m the screaming wolf, a broken hinge, hanging by the thread of a spider’s web, dangling in the moonlight of a stormy night.